Connection Paradox
Blake Bentley
Dating Apps & Loneliness
If you use dating apps, take a moment to compare the number of people you ‘swipe on’ to the number you speak to in person. Chances are, that first number is a lot higher than the second. Have you ever considered why? That would be because technology has been integrated into our culture in a much higher magnitude than it should be. We are becoming robots who do not know or understand how to socialize like normal human beings.
Dating apps push us to dehumanize the people we are interacting with online. Through gamified swiping, our potential dating prospects morph into objects to be evaluated and acquired rather than considered as ‘real’ people to form emotional connections with. While they can be convenient, they are also very harmful to us. Dating apps force us to look away from the real world to constantly compare people based on looks and very few characteristics. What happened to organically meeting people close to our social groups who might have similar interests to us?
Due to the nature of these dating apps, we have a choice on who we match with. That is the biggest illusion of all. In fact, we have less choices. By not talking to people around us and aiming to get with people with whom we are likely incompatible, we end up with choices that are just wrong. Wrong choices do not lead to happy relationships. What does lead to happy relationships is enjoying the person you are interacting with. If you do not enjoy being with the person you are talking to, why are you talking to them romantically at all?
This idea of swiping endlessly to try and find a “better” match forces us into fatigue. We become more numbed to our true feelings and begin to lead deeper into isolation. Because most of the interactions that come about with this style of dating are superficial and very surface-level, the sense of “connection” is diminished. While users may be “connected” to many people, they are still very lonely.
One of the most dangerous delusions is the idea that other people and their feelings do not matter. On Hulu’s hit TV show Legion, they offer an idea to ponder. “Imagine a cave where those inside never see the outside world. They just see shadows of said world projected onto the cave’s walls. The world they see in the shadows is not real, but real to them. If you showed them the world as it actually is, they would reject it as incomprehensible. But what if instead of being in a cave, you’re in the world, but can’t see it because you’re not looking. You trusted that the world you saw through the prism was the real world. So, when the girl takes a photo of what is a chicken, she thinks that it’s a duck. Instead of the cave allegory, where the shadows are false, and the people are real- here, the other people are shadows.” (Legion, S2, E8) This explains that because we are so locked into the worlds we have created for ourselves online, we no longer understand or grasp reality or how to interact with others within our immediate reality. Thus, the illusion of connection continues.
“We live in a dystopian society where people are more interested in their online profiles than who or what is right in front of them.”
Because people believe they have many options at their disposal, they are now afraid of commitment. They fear that they are going to invest too much effort into someone who might not be the “right” match for them, so they don’t. This fear can also be slotted with the potential for ghosting—a common behavior in online dating where one side simply stops communicating because it is so easy online—which leads the other side to feel rejected and alone.
Overall, I feel that connectivity online, and dating apps specifically, are scams. They give you false hopes that there is someone “better” than the next person you are talking to. This leads to a cycle of isolation, loneliness, and fear of offering too much effort. We are becoming extremely emotionally detached, and it is not, and never will be, a healthy lifestyle.
Dating apps’ main goal is literally to keep you on the app. Swiping mindlessly forever is how they make money. Have you ever been prompted to buy more likes? Have you ever been offered a perfect match if you upgrade your account? All of this is a scam that feeds off our inability to think critically. We live in a dystopian society where people are more interested in their online profiles than in who or what is right in front of them. We are officially becoming robots.
The rise of dating apps has created a façade of connectivity that often leads to isolation and emotional detachment. To cultivate healthy relationships, we must seek to balance our digital interactions with genuine, face-to-face connections. By prioritizing quality over quantity and embracing the complexities of human relationships, we can move toward a more fulfilling dating experience. The challenge lies in navigating this landscape with intention and awareness, recognizing that true fulfillment comes from engaging deeply with the people around us.
Sources
Hawley, Noah, John Cameron, Lauren Shuler Donner, Simon Kinberg, and Jeph Loeb. “Legion.” Episode. Hulu 2, no. 8, May 22, 2018.
